I ran across this picutre the other day while looking for something else. As I was looking at it it occurred to to me that only three of the people in it are still living. That made me kind of sad, but later I started thinking about them all, trying to come up with some happy memories. That and a bit of family history is what follows. This picture was taken in June of '68, I was still just a little kid then. :) It was a family reunion, at my G-Aunt Aileen's house in Agency. She lived a couple blocks from the church, and the school. It was probably a get together for Grandmother & Hilah's birthday.

I'm going to start with the older woman in the back, because this is a picture of her with most of her grandchildren. Missing are my Mom, Aunt Nancy Wagner and Suzanne Ussary.

That's Mom Thomson, my g-grandmother on Mom's side of the family. What I remember most about her is that she lived in a little white house, on the Platte River in what would be downtown Agency. Across the street from the school that she worked at & that her kids and most of her grandkids graduated from. The memory that sticks with is that her peanut butter came in a big sliver can and you had to stir it up before you used it. I found out later this was gov't peanut butter. Uncle Kenny told me that one time he and David stayed with Mom T. while the rest of the family went on vacation. He said they each had a quarter to spend while there. Only she wouldn't let them buy soda or candy. So they had their money left when they went home. Of course, he always made it sound funnier than I do. ;)

Now from the left is Paula Clinton, for over 40 years Paula Korneman. Paula is Aileen and Robert Clinton's daughter. She & her husband had 5 children, their oldest Roland died in an accident when he was 9. The other 4 are all married and have children of their own. I used to see her every year or so at the reunions but we don't have those anymore. Paula and Dana were in town a couple of years ago for something. They stopped in to see us and we keep in touch with them through letters and facebook.

Next to Paula is her brother Phil. I don't remember much about him. He always kept to himself. I keep in touch with his girls on facebook. I remember being at a party at his house, I think it was Christmas or New Years. All the cousins were there and it was a wild night. ;)

Behind Phil is Kenny Settle, my uncle. The stories I could tell about him. LOL Kenny was like a big brother than an uncle at times. Kenny was in the Navy in the '70's he was a fireman. He was actually on the Shangri-la a ship Dad served on years before. He was married twice first to Diane Styp and then to Carolyn Brown he adopted her daughter Mistie Joree. We've lost touch with Mistie since Grandmother & Lloyd died. Kenny & Dave visited us in Fla, the first time we were stationed there. They were just teenagers and drove down from MO by themselves. I can only imagine what kind of road trip that was. :) I remember taking them crabbing and fishing. Toward the end Kenny got stuck in his memories. He must have apologized a thousand times for almost setting me on fire when I was a toddler. If you haven't heard that story and want to let me know. He spent a lot of time here in his last few years. He told stories, that's a Settle trait being able to tell a good story. ;)

Next to Kenny is Uncle Richard Settle. I wasn't real close to Richard mainly because I only got to see once every couple of years. But he taught me how to use a bull whip and how to properly handle a gun. He and some of the other guys took some of us kids out in the woods and taught us how to shoot. I never got very good at it because that was the only time I ever got to shoot. Richard was very inventive and used to build things all the time. He once built a cannon with out any plans just to see if he could. All of the Settle boys loved to build things. In Grandmother's basement they all made zip guns, pipe bombs, bows, arrows, slingshots. The basement of the Peggy Circle house always smelled like gunpowder. Even after he got sick and was unable to move or speak, he communicated with his son and told him what to get and how to put it together to make gadgets. Several were used by his family to care for him or by him to make his life easier.

The boy in front of Mom T. is Randy Clinton, Paula & Phil's brother. He lives on a farm near St. Joseph. I don't really remember much about him either he was older than me so we didn't hang out a lot when we visited the family.

Next to Randy is Stephan Ussary Aunt Hilah's oldest. Steve had a very troubled life. He was married to Mary Lou Mott and had 3 children. After Stephan returned from Vietnam they divorced and he became a recluse for about 10 years barricading himself in a room and only coming out late at night. I remember hearing he once saved the family house from fire when the wood stove caught. He was up and smelled smoke before anyone else and put it out before there was too much damage. Stephan loved the stars, I remember standing outside one night at the farm naming the constellations with him. It's the one clear memory I have of him.

Next to Stephan is Charles Lee Ussary. He still lives and works on the family farm. He bought his siblings out and works very hard everyday. I admire him because he has taken care of Aunt Hilah since she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I remember I always loved visiting the farm there was just so much outside to run around in and it was so different from anywhere I lived. Charles Lee let me play with his G.I. Joe when I was little. ;) Plus when I was a kid they always had dogs and cats running around. Uncle Lloyd let me climb on his tractors and big machines.

And lastly is David Wayne Settle, another uncle. ;) Like Kenny David was more like a brother than an uncle. He taught me to use a bow and tried to teach me how to use a slingshot. I was never good with that. I remember following him through the woods, looking for mushrooms, finding arrow heads, and crossing creeks. All the Settle Boys loved the outdoors, hunting, fishing or just walking in the woods. I get a lot of that from them, well except the hunting part. But if I was able I'd spend more time outdoors. David married Angie and adopted her daughter Shelly Marie. At the wedding Shelly was so excited because David was her daddy! Angie made the guys wear grey tuxes with hot pink shirts that had ruffles down the front. Uncle Richard made a real a fuss about wearing hot pink with ruffles. I remember the bustle at Grandmother's apt that morning. With everyone trying to get ready in that small space.

That's all I have right now. If I've forgotten anything it's mostly due to lack of sleep. :)

A Dream

A couple of weeks ago I had a dream that has stuck with me very clearly. The dream was in black & white. I was running from a crumbling building. That makes sense I had been talking about Sept. 11. As I got out of the building there were hundreds of cars trying to get away. I was trying to get to Grandmother & Lloyd's car. They were in the little blue Maverick Lloyd had when they met. I can see the car sitting in the far corner of the lot. I never actually saw them I just knew they were waiting for me. As I turned to go toward them, my Aunt Nancy suddenly appeared in front of me. She was very bright and her clothes were colorful. She seemed to have a glow around her. She came forward and we talked as we walked. I didn't hear what we spoke about but it felt so good to see her. She's been gone a long time. I woke up feeling comforted and calm, not my usual wake up mood. LOL I was telling Joe about this dream and trying to explain the glow, he said Nancy always had a glow. ;)

The picture above is Nancy's is her graduation picture. It's torn so you can't see her fluffy sweater, she's not really naked. LOL

Where did the hope go?

A while back I read a blog by a friend about having hope and keeping dreams alive. It was written beautifully. This put my mind in a thinking mood. What I've discovered in my pondering is that I don't actually have hope or dreams anymore. I no longer live life, I just survive each day as it comes. There are moments of happiness, like getting to hold the newest member of the family. But those moments are few and far between. There are moments of laughter some real and some just put on so people won't know what I really feel. I'm not saying that I'm horribly depressed I just don't feel much of anything anymore. Part of that is probably due to the meds that keep me from going completely crazy. When I do it's generally a negative reaction to one of the many crisis around here. I just exist and go through the motions. I read, play video games, and listen to music to distract myself and pass the time. It helps some, I play with my animals. They are the only thing keeping me going. If not for them I'd have faded away long ago. A friend I've had since I was 10, told me once that I used to be outgoing, and happy. I wish I could remember that. I have happy memories and some that are not so happy. I don't mean to sound like I'm whining or looking for sympathy, I'm really not. I just have to get this out of my head. This is also why I don't respond to email as much anymore. You know what Thumper says, ' If you can't say something nice don't say nothing at all'. :) So that's where my mind is right now, kinda scary ain't it?

My Adventures

It all started last Wed., when I went to the lab to have some blood work done. On the way out the door, I felt a popping and grinding across the arch of my foot. This made the side of my foot hurt every time I took a step. But I just carried on as usual, I gave my blood and came home to take Joe to work. My foot was sore but not too bad.

Then on Thurs. I got a call my doc wanted to see me about my blood work, believe me this caused a lot of stress. So I set up two appts. one for tests I was supposed to have done over a month ago. They were to check my blood circulation.

Friday, as I went out I put my foot down and felt a popping, grinding going up my heel. Just what I needed. I dropped Joe at work and went to the pet store to get something for Miss Scarlett, on the way back to my car my foot popped again. Now it really hurt. I went home and propped it up and took something for the pain.

Sat. I was limping a bit but doing okay mostly. I figured I was going to see the doc in a few days I could stand it till then. Joe got some interesting mail, a tax refund he wasn't expecting. He found out from some friends that the gov. was sending out checks to people who qualified. He doesn't know how he qualified but we were all thrilled.


Skip to Monday, which is pretty much our weekend around here. Joe is off on Mon. and Tues. so that's when we get to do all errands. He cashed his check and used some for bills, he gave a little and gave me some. Then he gave the money I needed for my co-pay at my doc. I thought that was very nice. I drove him around so he could spend some of his money. We went to Barnes & Noble, I wanted to go there. Last time I was there they had some books I wanted. I got myself 2 Torchwood Novels, I wanted to get a couple of the Supernatural books but they didn't have any in stock. I was making my way through the bargin books when my ankle decided to give out. Of course, I fell right in the middle of the aisle. On the way down, I smashed my right index finger against a shelf. Other than my ankle that was the only injury. Except for the usual aches and pains from catching myself. As I was sitting up Joe came around the corner, he said he was looking for me because he didn't hear my brace clicking anymore. That's how he keeps track of me in stores. ;) So I moved some books off a bottom shelf and used it to get up. I could feel my foot swelling but, I finished looking at the books. Only two days to see the doc so I just dealt with it on my own. I got one last book I don't have it right here for the title but it's a biography of Helen Mirren. I've started reading it and it's very interesting and has lots of pictures. I came home to find some books I'd ordered waiting for me. I got 3 of Linda Lael Miller's series about the McKettrick's of Texas. Heartless by Diana Palmer, Dangerous Highlander by Donna Grant, Lessons in French by Laura Kinsale, and The Elusive Bride, by Stephanie Laurens. So I have much reading to do now. LOL I was exhausted by the time we got home. Joe had a package waiting too. His girlfriend had gotten a new lap top so she sent him her old one. It's one of the small ones she says he needs to get a thing to cool it, whatever that is. ;) But it works great. I told him it would be better for me, because his hands are so big. He told me to get my own girlfriend to send me stuff. LOL

Tues. the test went well. They did an echo cardiogram on my heart, it was interesting to see my heart pumping on the screen and hear the blood whooshing through it. Then she did the same thing on my feet and legs. After that was the usual grocery shopping. And a few more errands for Joe.

Today I got up and went to see doc to find out what the deal was with my blood work. Now for a week I've been wondering what else could be wrong with me. He told me he was thrilled with my labs, they were excellent, he's very proud of me. He couldn't have told me that on the phone? LOL So I showed him my finger he said, "That's a good one." Then I showed him my foot, he agreed with me that it's swollen. When I told him what has been going on with it, he said that I've torn some tendons. I asked what I could do about it. He told me to put ice on it and grin and bear it, it will take about 6 weeks to heal. So I should be good sometime in May. ;) I'll just have to be careful when I'm out. As I was leaving the nurse told me that both of test results from yesterday were very good. I have no circulation problems.

That's all I hope for this week. LOL

Christmas Memories

Joe put our tree up last night. Just for me, so he said. I do like the sparkly lights. LOL When he was working on it he found a couple of ornaments that brought back a very clear warm memory.

They were picture ornaments of Louie & Sunshine with Santa. Taken 9 years ago. I had a head halter on Sunshine one of my many attempts to control her. I tried a couple of kinds and she slipped them all. Anyway, standing in a very long line she was trying to go explore only she couldn't. So she moved to the end of her leash and flopped over on her side with a great sigh. Everyone in line thought this was very amusing. ;0 When we finally reached Santa, Sunshine loved him he had a pocket full of treats. And she kept putting her nose in it. LOL He had a heck of a time holding onto her. Louie was so scared, especially after they put the reindeer antlers on him. ;) The poor thing he just wanted to get away.

Maybe next year, I'll take Lil Bit to her picture with Santa. That should be fun and interesting. LOl

Privacy

I have mentioned to some of you that the house next door is very close to ours. In fact their kitchen is 10 ft. from my bedroom window, their deck is closer than that.

Even if I keep my window closed, I can hear everything that goes on out there. Last night it was like, listening to a porn movie with no picture. I don't need to hear that, in fact I don't think anyone needs to hear that. My window was open, I know they could hear my tv I turned it up when they got loud. They just got louder.

I got woke up early this morning by laughing and loud talking. By loud talking I mean she was sitting on her deck yelling at her kids out front. This drives me nuts on Fri. & Sat. nights I have to shut my window because they are out there all night and it disturbs Miss Scarlett. She can hear them but she doesn't know where they are so it freaks her.

I understand she has every right to use her deck. But don't I have the right to not have to hear everything that goes on? They don't even try and be quiet out there. You can hear them pretty much all around the circle we live on. It's just that I get the clearest sound.

I don't know her, how do I say 'Hey, I can hear everything you do on your deck.'

Okay rant over for the day. ;)

Duke

I woke up this morning thinking about a dog I used to have. How he came to me and how he left. Duke was the first dog I ever got for myself. I was not in a good place and needed someone else to worry about I found an ad in the paper for lab puppies. I wanted black but all they had were yellow, so I got a yellow one. ;-) There were only 2 left when I got there, one flopped down at my feet and never moved and one was into everything he could find. Can you guess which one I took home? Yep, the trouble maker. ;-) I had a closeness with Duke, I've never had with any of the many other dogs in my life. He truly was my dog and merely tolerated the rest of the world. I took him to Puppy Kindergarten and Canine Good Citizen classes, he did very well as long as I stayed with him. For seven years, he was my buddy. Then I noticed a lump on his back leg. The vet took x-rays and told me it was bone cancer. It had never occurred to me that a dog could get cancer. Not until that moment. I was advised to put him down then and there, that the cancer had spread to his organs and he would only last a month or so. I didn't take that advice, because Duke was still acting like himself. Other than limping and having some problems with the back stairs. I took him home along meds to keep him comfortable. He started sleeping in my room after that. On the bed at first then at the foot when he couldn't jump up anymore. I would hear the jingle of his tags in the night and know that he was there. The vet was wrong, Duke stayed with me for 6 months after his diagnosis. He last for 2 weeks after my birthday. I've always believed he held on past my birthday on purpose. As if he wanted me to have that at least. Duke's ashes sit on a hidden shelf in my room. Because it freaked my brother out when I kept them my basement room that he used too. ;)